Guest Post - Chaddi: A Case Study, for Purba Ray

As if you don't know already who Purba Ray is!

If you are reading something A-Musing like nothing else for miles around, you know it is written by her. Satirical without being condescending and creating humour sans mockery, Purba Ray writes about our life and our times - to shock, surprise, tickle, tease, and basically make us have a good laugh, post-after-post. Rumour has it that because the velvet darts are thrown with such skill and style, many would pay to just get featured on her blog, even as a butt of her jokes (and end up falling in love with the very same jokes of which they form the butt. She is that good!).

I did not pay. But I did offer thanks to the powers above, for a most fortunate day in my blogging life had dawned. Purba had asked me to write a guest post for her space. I have never understood what 'you have arrived!' means, but I think I felt that on the left side of my chest, first, when she asked me to guest blog and then, when she loved the post I sent.

It is called 'Chaddi: A Case Study' and really, you should not judge a post by its title. Or its picture...

After you have picked your favourite one from my collection above, read the post at Purba's blog. And listen, spare me half the laughter you gift her, and I tell you I will taste Nirvana.

Here is the link then: http://www.purba-ray.com/2014/04/chaddi-case-study.html

Guest Post - The best days of my life! by Ruchira Shukla

I don't know how to welcome Ruchira Shukla to my blog. If I drum roll her in, I might disturb the elegant sobriety that I associate with her person. If I go hyperbolic with adjectives, it will fail to suit the understated beauty that her blog stands for. So, I introduce her to you as a friend I found recently, as a woman who I admire for more reasons than one and as a writer whose writings I look up to as calm in stormy waters. 

Ruchira's stream of thoughts flow into Nirjharini, a blog she believes she cannot do justice to (thanks to her job) but a blog which does justice to her readers' lust for quality writing, post-after-post. Be it quirky travelogues or musings dipped in philosophy, Haikus or a turning back into history, the blog carries a unique character of its own. Like an exotic place where she back-packed solo, or the adrak chai she found in a shanty in a place we know only as a dot-on-the-map, but a place where she found herself. 

And I needed her to be my lucky mascot. To initiate on my blog a section on travel writing, for I could think of no one better - in craft or as a friend - to cut the shubh ribbon for me. She sent me a post this morning called 'The best days of my life!' 

Here it is then ... 

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The best days of my life! 

I have spent many happy years in the Land of the Rising Sun and have lived in almost all its major cities, but the place that remains the closest to my heart is a quaint little city called Kobe. 

Kobe lies on the southernmost tip of Japan. It’s almost at the other end from Tokyo, but what separates the two cities is not only the physical distance but also their two totally different characters. Tokyo is all about big corporates, high rises and technology. Kobe on the other hand is quiet, laid back with an old world charm.  If we were to assume that these two cities are people, Tokyo to me would be an aggressive Businessman but Kobe would be a graceful and elegant lady dressed in a Kimono.

The time that I spent there was perfect in all aspects. I loved my job, I had great friends and most importantly I was bang in the middle of the two things I loved the most - History and Natural Beauty. There was not a single cloud to mar my bright blue sky!

Kobe is just an hour away from two of the greatest tourist spots in Japan - Kyoto and Nara. Anyone with even a remote interest in Shinto shrines and Zen simply has to visit these places. At the core of Shintoism lies the belief that God as well as inner peace can only be found in nature and that is why the ancient monks laid a great emphasis on building their shrines amongst spectacular nature beauty. Most of the shrines are either set deep in the woods or high up in the mountains.

I made many pilgrimages to these shrines over the year. They had their own uniqueness, their own
perspective to offer in each season.

In spring, when the cherry blossoms were in full bloom, they seemed to promise hope and new beginnings. Autumn, inspite of all its palette of colors, made the shrines look melancholic and they seemed to be teaching us about the impermanence of things. In winter, when they were covered with snow, they seemed to signify austerity and solitude.

But I didn’t always have to travel out of the city to enjoy nature. Kobe is wedged between the hills on one side and the sea on the other. My corner apartment on the 14th floor had huge glass windows. Although it was scary when the windows rattled during earthquakes or when the wind and rain lashed at them during the typhoon season, I didn’t mind because they offered me spectacular views.

On two sides they looked out on the hills. During the cherry blossom season, it seemed as if soft pink and white clouds had floated down to cover the hills.  In autumn the trees would be rust and red and yellow, as if the hills were on fire. Summer meant looking out of the window at a carpet of blue and purple hydrangeas and irises.

The third side looked out to the sea and in summer if the day was clear, I could even see yachts floating on the shimmering waters. Even when I had a chance to exchange my small apartment for a bigger one, I didn’t simply because I so loved the view I saw out of my windows!

Even going to work was a delight. The 30 minutes in the train never felt cumbersome because the monotony of the houses and buildings was broken by fields full of Hydrangea flowers that seemed to grow in such abundance in Kobe.

Work hours were long and often stretched into weekends but who would mind staying late when we just had to lift our heads from our laptops, and look out of the window at this!

Kobe was my home for almost two years. I haven’t been there for a long time now, but the years that I spent there were truly the best years of my life!

Once, when travel meant something else

Sugandha chanced upon her love for writing just like that. She signed up on blogspot and started an online journal to fill up her free time. But one look at ‘Somethings Sugandha’ and you will thank her for the ‘Shades of Life’ she paints for us there, and for herself. Fiction, personal reflections, views and reviews can be found adorning her space. Food for our thoughts and food for her own mind too, she says.   

Now, Sugandha and I have something going on between us. You can call it an ‘affair to remember … to meet’ for more often than not, we catch ourselves saying to each other ‘We need to meet’. However, we are yet to travel that distance to see each other, even though we live in the same city. 

Travel that distance... 

Sugandha asked me to write a travel post for her blog and gave me sweeping powers to choose the kind I wanted to. So, I picked a memoir post, as a little girl growing up in a sleepy hamlet of lichi trees and tinned roofs, in a home called Dehradun. A post about what Travel meant when I did not know what all it could mean.

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Steeped in nostalgia I write this. 

Of life and times when school was special even in its sameness of routine and evening play among kids for the newness, for who knew who the ‘denner’ would be that day? Of times when Sundays meant meals on a chatai in the garden, all 12 members of this joint-family together and festivals nothing short of spectacular. And of a life when travel did not mean packing large suit cases and leaving the house home-alone but something else entirely …

[To read more, please click here.]

Guest Post: The Indian Constitution; A Picture Story

This guest post is by my husband, Aseem. 

He is not a blogger. And if I have to call him a writer, he says I have to make sure government file notings qualify as creative art. Understand then that I had to use all my convincing powers to make him pen this for my blog. Also know, that his thoughts mean more to me than my own. (Alright, most of the time anyway!) Republic Day was yesterday, and today he gave me these words and these pictures. A 'Slice of History' for those who celebrate the 26th of January with as much fanfare as we do, and who, like us, are still enjoying a "patriotic" hang-over even though it is the next day.

Now, for a change, I let him speak uninterrupted.  

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The Indian Constitution; A Picture Story

I gave in.

When she wanted me to write a few paragraphs for her blog, contrary, perhaps, to her expectations, I did not protest. My reason for agreeing was essentially just that she had chosen a great time to press her demands upon me. The timing was not to do with this being a month of birthdays or the New Year or anything as grand as that. It was just that it happened to be a holiday! A National Holiday, the Republic Day.

I wonder what that might mean to most of us. What the 26th of January means to me has changed over the years. As a child, I used to look at this day as a time when I would sing a few “patriotic” songs before an assembly of my father’s office colleagues and their families and would proudly collect applause. In later years, the ritual of attending the celebrations at his office was discontinued since we moved to a different town where such occasions were traditionally not family affairs. I do remember celebrations in school and college on a few occasions, but they were generally viewed as disturbances to an otherwise enjoyable holiday. 

But somewhere between then and now, I came to think of the Republic Day as special in an unobtrusive yet poignant way, somewhat like the birthday of someone dear from your past that you never forget to remember, but do nothing special to mark, perhaps because it would be superfluous after all. When my wife asked me to write a post for her today on the Constitution, I dithered at first at the thought of her readers turning away. But then, when your wife allows you a chance to be heard uninterrupted, one must just be grateful and grab the line.

One of the most valuable possessions of my family is a replica of the original hand-written Constitution of India, which was gifted by a very dear senior in service. Since this volume came into our home, we have often talked about the history that surrounds it, the way it has evolved over the years, its relevance in our workaday lives and, of course, its  sheer beauty.

The Republic Day is when the Constitution of India came into force in 1950. We have all known this from our Civics school books. But school did not give me a sense of what this book really meant then, and what difference it has made to our today. The vision the Constitution had was of an egalitarian and just society, promising freedom to one and all, laid down succinctly in its Preamble. I am undoubtedly enthused and inspired by the world held out as the promise of the Constitution. Though it seems like a miracle at times, and even untrue at others, by and large, it looks like we are closer to that goal today than we were in 1950.

The Republic Day to me is symbolic of that vision of society and we all have a part to play in getting there. The way is in seeing how our actions, little and big, impact all of us collectively and in being responsible for the choices we make. I wish us all this patriotism this Republic Day.

Here are some pictures of this book to stay with you. You may click on them to see an enlarged view.

A replica of the original hand-written Constitution of India

The Preamble

Fundamental Rights

Article 19. Right to Freedom

Each main border is unique in design 

Elections. Notice the art work.

Look at the salary of the President and Governor

Happy to see Dehra Dun.
Hathibarkala is the midway point between my wife's house and mine

Signatures - Rajendra Prasad, Jawaharlal Nehru lead the list

And then, passing on this 'Slice of History' to our Tomorrow. A looking back, in order to know how to proceed.

[Written for WordPress Daily Prompts : 365 Writing Prompts aimed at posting at least once a day, based on the prompts provided. The prompt for today was 'Sliced Bread - Most of us have heard the saying, “That’s the best thing since sliced bread!” What do you think is actually the best thing since sliced bread?' and I have answered with 'a Slice of History' - a looking back in order to know how to proceed.]

Guest Post - Bedroom Brawls by Sid Balachandran

This Sid needs no waking up. He's found sitting at his desk in i Wrote Those before the birds tweet the first tweet and is seen writing way beyond the last computer shuts for the night, at least on our side of the globe. Sid Balachandran is a super-man to many. He is a prolific and versatile writer, a fun and loving dad and an at-your-service husband, or so his blog reflects. His writings make you laugh at yourself, nod in agreement whole-heartedly and impress with the parenting gyan he has to share.

While he shuttles at mach speeds between the roles he plays in real life and the posts he writes in the virtual world, a lot of us sit wishing we knew the secret behind his energy. It could just be the home-mulled wine he drinks to spread good humour and cheer around.

Cheer reminds me! Seldom do you meet a writer who is as appreciative of your work as Sid is of those he likes to read. Goes to show he is reading and assimilating, apart from writing, and is willing to evolve as a serious writer even as he keeps his funny bone polished and ready to tickle and be tickled. Plus, he already knows What Guys Want and about Interpreting Women. All this, after Mr. Murphy helps him deconstruct parenting. I know he will go a long way, and for that I wish him luck.

Now, Bedroom Brawls is, umm ... ahem ... I'm not going to tell you. Go ahead and read!  

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It’s one of life’s unpleasant truths. The fact that couples argue. Yes, some of them (or us) may deck it up in fancy phrases such as minor disagreements or misunderstandings. But the crux of the matter is that any couple in a healthy relationship will argue. And why wouldn’t they? After all, they are two different individuals, often from completely distinct backgrounds with their unique outlooks on life and its idiosyncrasies. And there is no other room in the house that hosts more of these “disagreements” than the humble bedroom. Before we let our ultra-imaginative minds wander off without a tether, I’ll just confirm that I’m not talking about the physical act of love. Or pillow fights. They both deserve separate posts.

Before I go ahead, here’s something that I usually both prefix and suffix most posts with. Yes, a disclaimer. The “activities” described in this post aren’t always a Man V/s Woman thing. It could even be a Man V/s Man or Woman V/s Woman scenario. 

Premier Inn, a rather well established hospitality chain in Britain, managed to put together a survey, not so long ago. The survey was mainly aimed at heterosexual couples that slept together (i.e. in the same bed). The results of the survey (about 2000 people were surveyed) showed that on average, couples fought about 167 times in a year in the bedroom, over a number of reasons. Of course, “fight” might be too strong and physical a word. So let’s coat it in a bit of sugar, and say, “bickered”. Let’s take a look at some of the reasons, shall we?

The attack of “the blanket hogger” 

In terms of “activities that cause boudoir discontent”, this probably ranks way up there. Let’s look at this example. Person W (hence forth to be referred to as Ms. W) loves to be wrapped up like an Egyptian Mummy, failing which sleep is quite arduous to come by. Person M (hence forth to be referred to as Mr. M) is not that fond of blankets in general. He’s more of a free spirit and will normally only use a blanket as the last resort. Kind of seems like an ideal scenario, doesn’t it? Fast forward to say 1 am. Ms. W finds herself shivering. She opens her eyes, only to discover that her blanket is now being hogged by Mr. M, who ironically gave her the long lecture about not wanting any blankets in the first place. Thereby ensures the vigorous battle for ownership of the blanket, which finally ends in a truce, with both of them agreeing to share the blanket, but not before they’ve both lost out on some quality sleep time.

Certainly, the obvious answer to this would have been for both of them to have separate blankets. But then, cuddling becomes a slight issue. Hence they prefer to have one large blanket. But here’s the thing, even with separate blankets, co-sleeping couples may still find that one of them has to invariably fight for their share in the middle of the night.

The Persistent Snorer

 Men do it. Women do it. Why I’ve heard 20-month old babies do it. From time immemorial, snoring has been the undisputed leader amongst the primary causes behind bedroom brawls.  But yes, of course men take the flak for it; well at least the lion’s share of it. And no, it’s not without reason. The thing about snoring is that it’s usually a one-way street. The only person that isn’t bothered by it, is the person who’s rumbling, rasping and grunting. I understand that there could be plenty of reasons for this “phenomenon”. Sometimes it’s a medical issue whilst some other times, it’s just too much of beer. But if your partner is a light-sleeper, don’t be surprised if you’re frequently woken up in the middle of your deep slumber with a series of pokes and prods. Of course, you could always gift him/her a pair of earplugs :). 

The Fireplace V/s The Icebox

 Some like it hot and some like it cold. The room I mean. The challenge is often finding the middle ground. And the weather or month rarely makes a difference. You need the comfort of a warm room to sleep, whereas your partner would rather have it feel like an igloo. The biting cold forces you to make more frequent trips to the washroom, when you’d rather be trying to sleep. On the other hand, a warm room makes your partner complain about how they find it difficult to fall asleep in a pool of sweat. The easier solution would be to try using a table fan for the Iceman (or woman) and an extra single blanket for the heat seeker.

The bed-space skirmish

I’ve been woken up, far too many times, from my deep slumber with the phrase “Get Off Me” ringing in my ears, No, it’s not what you’re thinking of ;) The thing is, I’m a sprawler. And of course, that means that my legs (and other parts - hands et all I mean) often cross over into my wife’s territory, sometimes even attacking her. Until quite recently, I used to think that I was the only one with such a problem. However some in-depth Google research and random survey results from strangers have shown me that I’m not alone.  If you still would like to continue sleeping in the same bed, my request would be to invest in a larger King-Size bed. Trust me, those extra 16 inches help. The bitter truth is that, when it comes to beds, just as with other private zones, size does matter. I meant a larger bathroom. What were you thinking about? :)

The Right - Left Predilection

 This might not be one of the most common reasons for most bedroom brawls. But it’s a matter of habit, and hence worth mentioning. Most couples in a relationship usually have their preferred side of the bed. And it often remains that way. The subject only crops up when one of you fancies a change in the side, for reasons unknown to the other person. We all have our reasons to choose which side of the bed we’d like to sleep on. For me, it’s usually the one closest to the door and away from the wall. What’s yours?

Switched On or Turned Off 

 This is another one of those seemingly teeny-tiny frictions that have the potential to fire-up discontent in the bedroom. Lights - On or Off. Even though we’re both bibliophiles, there are days when I want nothing more than to read. And ironically those are often the days she just wants to sleep. The tables have been turned quite a few times too. So the light becomes a bit of a challenge. Of course, this is one of the easier things to solve. Just makes sure that there are reading lamps on both sides of the bed. Failing which, you can always get one of those small reading lights that fixes onto the stem of the book. 

Timing

 Apart from the occasional delays, timing can make and break relationships. I meant the timing of going to bed, that is. Of course, there’s a saying that “couples who go to bed together, stay together”. But sometimes, it just isn’t possible to retire to bed together, especially if you have young kids. Or if you have different work timings. Talking about timing, another one that often causes a bit of tension is how quickly you fall asleep. If both of you are lucky enough to nod off to sleep as soon as you hit the bed, then this point isn’t really relevant to you. With most couples, some of the most delightful conversations are held under the darkened ceilings of your bedroom. However the thresholds for each person varies slightly and should you find yourself dozing off while listening to your partner, then be prepared for battle the next morning.

Come to think about it, it’s rather ironic that these seemingly trivial little rituals have the potential to cause displeasure in the bedroom. After all, a little loving tête-à-tête can provide amicable solutions to most of these.  But then, they do happen. Because sometimes the simplest things can cause discontent. And that my friends, is the ugly truth behind bedroom brawls. 

[Image courtesy: freedigitalphotos.net/ David Castillo | Photostock | Ambro | foto76 | WikiHow | Daily Mail | 123rf.com]

What Makes a Marriage Successful? - A guest post by Rekha Dhyani

You already know what I think of Rekha.

Rekha Nair Dhyani is not a fellow-blogger. Before anything, she is my friend who writes, and writes without any contradiction between her within and without. Her posts connect with me, as do the thoughts she carries inside. She blogs at Dew Drops - a space which explores relationships, love, parenting and memoirs. Her blog appeals to the woman in me – all roles - mother, wife and daughter, combined.  

I happily publish her guest post for my humble space here. Yet again, she has me nodding in full agreement with her. 

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My marriage is just over a decade old and I certainly do not have any right to preach about the success of a marriage. But I thought I should definitely share my thoughts on this. Right??? 

The success of any relation depends upon the amount of love, compassion, time and understanding that are put in by the couple sharing it. So does it mean that if we put in all of these ingredients, the final recipe will be as smooth as a fairy tale story? No. It’ll not be a plain smooth road, but a tipsy-turvy ride. There’ll definitely be ups and downs, agreements and disagreements, opinions and differences. The reasons: 

1. The two individuals involved are two different personalities. They have their individual likes and dislikes, mood swings, hobbies, etc., which are different from each other. Well, most of the time. 

2. The marital relationship is not just about the two of you, but it also involves an entire universe that has either conspired to conjoin you or have been trying to break you apart. This may or many not include your parents, and definitely include a battalion of relatives and self-proclaimed well-wishers. 

3. While you still manage to fight all of these, there are additional inhibitors who join in the war, courtesy your love (err I mean the physical part of it) for each other. Yeah, you got it right. These are your descendants. 

So for a good part of your life you’ll have to keep fighting against these antibodies and try to save your marriage. The personality differences do get accepted slowly but surely. The differences in interests/likes too will be handled efficiently by the two of you. An example to this effect, an anecdote from my life, I would love to share. 

One day (during the very first year of our marriage), on my way from office to home, I went veggie shopping. I thought to myself, poor guy has left his parents and is struggling to make a life with me; I must do something good for him. I had heard that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. So I promised myself to make a different dish and make him happy. I bought capsicums and potatoes and made a really tasty dish (or so I would want to believe). At dinner time, we both served ourselves and started eating. In between I asked him how the food was. He replied that it was good. That day we took a little longer than usual to finish our food. After I cleared the table, cleaned up the kitchen, I came back with a bowl of ice-cream for the two of us. It was then that he said that he can’t stand capsicum at all. The best part was when I informed him that I too did not like capsicum at all. This happened in a love marriage. Of course, during courtship you don’t discuss capsicum and potatoes.

Then there’s the flock of ultra-sweet and caring well-wishers and relatives. This category can be easily handled if the communication channel between the two of you is not choked. Always keep your communication with your partner crisp and clear. Let the well-wishers know that just because you respect their age and the relation doesn’t mean that you’ve handed over the remote control of your life to them. Give them each a sweet smile and a wild grin at the same time such that it conveys that visiting hours are over. 

Finally, you are left with the product of your eternal love, your kids. And I tell you this category is the toughest to handle for a variety of reasons. First of all, no amount of reasoning works with them. However upset you are with them, you can’t tell them that visiting hours are over and then shut the door. They make you wonder if you guys were in love ever. After all, that love is definitely worth another try. All you can do with these little pyaar ke dushman is to have patience and wait for them to understand and give you some space and time. Till then, enjoy stealing the few lucky moments as and when you can catch them. 

On Rakhshabandhan this year, since there was some confusion with the muhurat of tying the rakhi, sis-in-law gave the Rakhis to me and asked me to make the girls tie it on hubby’s hand in the evening or on the next day. The girls did tie it but it was loosely tied. So I started tying the knot when the elder one jumps in and asks, “Are you both brother and sister?” To this my man replied, “If you guys are hell-bent we’ll definitely be living like brother and sister in a short while.” 

This in no way means that all marriages are a cake walk. There are good ones, bad ones and ugly ones and each has to be dealt with separately. But for the most part of it, I believe it is good and both the partners must try and help it work out. 

For the bad ones, try some fixing and repairing, but I believe patch works do not work for long. For the ugly ones, jump out with all might and swim across. There’s life beyond marriage and kids. There certainly is.

So, what do you think is the secret behind a happy marriage?

The Lamp in the House

Rachna Says says her blog. I say, Rachna does not just say, but says it such that it cannot but touch you with its truth and beauty. Even as she manages all her loves and all the relationships at home – logging off on weekends, working, holidaying, packing lunch boxes, managing two boys – her journal on Love and Relationships is a constantly woven carpet of thoughts, with designs and threads picked from her immediate milieu.  

Her classic style of writing depends on no external frills to make itself charming. No added hyperbole or extra adjectives thrown in. No sensational revelation and not a single drum beat. Rachna’s writing is as pure and simple as it gets – and as warm as the person that she is. She is like my God-sister in the world of blogging. The wise one behind the 'relax and ignore' in my mail box. And Rachna’s blog is what my blog aspires to be one day – a space which talks about the everyday in a manner I connect with, as does every reader who stops by. 

No wonder then, that her request to be a guest on her blog was met with mixed emotions. A feeling of elation for being asked by a blogger of her repute coupled with a misgiving about my own writing skills. I did not want to be a spot on her blog, a blob of mindless writing trying to find footing amongst brilliantly thought-out posts. 

Out of exactly this stress context was born ‘The Lamp in the House’. I left it just as it was born. Unedited. Truest in sentiment. For nothing less can suit Rachna and her space.

Here is the link then :  http://www.rachnaparmar.com/2013/11/the-lamp-in-the-house.html

Babe in the Air

Richa was the first person to drop a ‘keep writing so beautifully’ IndiMail, soon after my blog was born. Richa it was who sent me my first Liebster Badge too (and I celebrated, went out for dinner, did not cook). And over posts and comments and mails, one day, we grew to call each other ‘Soul Sisters’. Full of love and warmth to spread, and bubbling with energy that reaches me through my computer screen, she has been that constant ‘pat-on-the-back’ that I needed. And her 'well done' matters!

One look at The Philosopher’s Stone and you will know what I mean. She writes, of course. Writes wonderfully, always. But what inspires me the most is that she writes for the love of writing. ‘I write so I exist. I exist so I write’ is what she says. And it shows - prolific, talented, committed, writing-after-the-kitchen-is-wound-up and a long day at office done. I am yet to come across such consistently interesting and well-written short stories as I read on her blog. I am also yet to meet a person who merges her public journal with her personal life as elegantly as this woman here. 

So, when she tells me – I need a guest post, darling. You have 2 days, the topic is Travelling with Children and you cannot refuse - I do not take it as a threat. I take it as a compliment, for she adds, as usual in her ever-encouraging voice – I know you can. I trust you can. Just write!

And I write. About a baby in the air. A babe in the air, if you wish to call it that after you read the post. 

I do. I call it ‘Babe in the Air’ and for the rest, here is the link.

http://subzeroricha.blogspot.in/2013/11/babe-in-air.html

By the way, don't let the pictures down there mislead you. 

 

When Men Cook

Rekha Nair Dhyani is not a fellow-blogger. Before anything, she is my friend who writes, and writes without any contradiction between her within and without. Her posts connect with me, as do the thoughts she carries inside. Dew Drops has seen her cry for her Lil Love, pull her hair handling her tantrums, shed tears remembering her grandmother and stand tall fasting for her husband. This, interspersed with philosophical posts and travelogues. Her blog appeals to the woman in me – all roles - mother, wife and daughter, combined.  When ‘North met South’ a very loving person, rooted in tradition yet steadfast in her beliefs about her self, was born. Also was born a writer who speaks to your heart, because that is where her thoughts emerge from.

No wonder then, that her request to me for being a ‘Guest’ on her blog, that too for my 100th post, made me jump so high with joy that I write this here even as I am sitting on the ceiling fan. Thank you, Rekha, for considering me up there, and putting me even higher than I probably deserve. Now, I am hoping nobody will switch the fan on.

When Men Cook

She told me write about anything under the Sun. So, I wrote about men in the kitchen. Only, and only because it rhymes. And yes, I am trying very hard to be funny in the post. Do spare a few giggles, and more importantly, a few nods of agreement. My man may rest displeased, but I will certainly soar and sit up on the fan again! And truth be told, the view from up here is unmatchable and something I want to get used to. 

Without further ado, here is the link to the post:

http://rekhadhyani.wordpress.com/2013/11/11/when-men-cook/

Guest Post - Schooling Choices and Related Considerations by Jairam Mohan

The author of this post, Jairam Mohan is somebody who pores over excel spreadsheets and power point presentations in his day job, but believes that his true calling lies in boring people to their deaths. That is the sole aim of him updating his blog Mahabore's Mumblings quite frequently. Between him and his wife, they nurture and bring up their two year old daughter as well as the blog.

Schooling Choices and Related Considerations

This post deals with one of the most critical but one of the most under-appreciated and technically difficult topic of choosing the right school for your children. I have dealt with this topic in a bulleted manner, ie, have jotted down my thoughts based on broad categories to be considered when selecting a school for children. Please note that these categories are not prioritized in any manner and are in a random order.

Location constraints

Apart from the fact that Bangalore was my home town, one of the main reasons that my wife and me moved back to the city for good in April this year was because we wanted little R to be admitted in a school which she would hopefully not have to change for the rest of her schooling days. As is the norm with most schools nowadays when you enrol your kids for Pre Kindergarten in a school, the kid continues there till he/she finishes her 12th standard, and believe me, that is a good 15 years in a single place.

Why Bangalore? Because this was the city where we didn’t have to worry about shifting residences as we had my parents’ house where we would stay and not in a rented house where our locality would be based on the whims and fancies of some temperamental owner. While staying with my parents has its own pros and cons, when it comes to the choice of a school, this clearly narrowed down our choices, which probably was a blessing in disguise.

Yes, almost all schools worth their salt have transport facilities in the form of buses or school vans. But I have always been more than a bit sceptical about how the drivers of these school vehicles actually drive on the roads. I have been witness to more than a few avoidable and questionable driving tactics of these school vans in Bangalore and am therefore not too open to making my daughter travel in one of these, if I had a choice.

This therefore meant that we restricted our search to schools which were within walking distance from home or those which were at most 15 mins away by our own vehicle. Yes, geographical location and distance from home may seem like trivial and stupid considerations, but in our opinion it doesn’t help if children have to travel 1+ hour a day two times a day and are stuck in a school vehicle when they could easily be doing something else that is more constructive. 

Curriculum constraints

When it comes to choice of curriculum in Bangalore, parents have to choose between CBSE, ICSE or the Karnataka State Govt syllabus. The decision to reject the State Board syllabus is a no brainer since I did all my education in that syllabus and I can safely vouch for the fact that it is probably the most useless syllabus in the State if not the country. 

However, the choice between CBSE and ICSE was not quite as easy as it looked. While the fact remains that CBSE is probably the most popular among Indian parents, most schools in Bangalore don’t seem to have the affiliation, let alone the ones close to my place. However, having heard from reliable sources that the ICSE syllabus is more depth when compared to CBSE which is more breadth, we decided to go ahead with CBSE as first choice with ICSE being a backup option, considering the schools close to home.

Infrastructure constraints

Given that both my wife and I studied in schools run by Christian Missionary Trusts of the 1980s, we had huge playgrounds in our schools as well as access to sports facilities in the form of sports equipment, coaches and instructors for outdoor as well as indoor sports. Given the cost of real estate nowadays and the fact that we don’t necessarily stay in a locality in Bangalore where moderate schools can actually afford to spend huge money on sports infrastructure, we had to settle down to keeping our choices limited as far as this particular aspect was concerned.

However, we did enquire about the overall infrastructure of the schools and also spoke to parents of children studying there to understand if at least all the basic infrastructure in the form of decent classrooms, labs, computer labs, etc were available at these schools. 

While we necessarily cannot control how much of time our little one will spend on the playground versus the classroom, we want a school which at least provides her with the choice of outdoor activities just in case she is interested in the same.

Financial constraints

This paragraph has to be read in conjunction with the above one relating to Infrastructure constraints as the quality of the infrastructure almost directly impacts the financial requirements from the parents. In this day and age of these so called ‘international schools’ blossoming around all over Bangalore, school fees in lakhs of rupees has become quite common. Parents discuss schooling expenditure only in 6 figures and anything less is considered quite a travesty of social status as well.

Our (read my wife’s and my) upwardly mobile middle class upbringing shocks us to the core when parents we know talk of paying more than Rs 1 lakh for school donations and around Rs 50,000 for annual fees for Pre Kindergarten for their kids. I mean, isn’t Pre KG just a glorified name for Play School? What do these schools teach them or provide them for half a lakh of rupees a year? 

I mean, my daughter is okay if the school doesn’t have an air conditioner, or fancy desks and chairs to sit on and doodle. She is fine as long as the rest rooms are clean and the school staff is courteous and gentle with her, and that should not cost that kind of money in our opinion.

We therefore didn’t even bother enquiring more about a couple of these international schools which are quite close to our place.

Summary and current state of affairs

At the end of this crazy decision making exercise my wife and me finally decided that we preferred a regular school where middle class children were enrolled, with decent sized grounds and where students were at least given opportunities to participate in extra curricular activities. While we outright rejected the crazy costly schools, we have no choice but to settle down for the relatively costlier schools which had the necessary basic infrastructure that I talked about earlier.

At this point the short-list is down to three of which two application forms have already been bought. One Parent-School interaction has been scheduled for the 6th of Nov when hopefully little R will find her second home for the next 15 odd years starting June 2014.

It is difficult not to nod in agreement with Jairam's views or not go 'tuch tuch' when he talks about the 'business' of schooling these days. I share his shock at the numbers which have made Play Schools a luxury item almost - unaffordable and very different from the cosy ones we went to, as children. I am sure most of my readers can relate to this wonderfully composed post on this father's ideas of picking the right school for his little R. Would love to know what your experience has been!   

Guest Post - Projecting Parental Expectations by Jairam Mohan

The author of this post, Jairam Mohan is somebody who pores over excel spreadsheets and power point presentations in his day job, but believes that his true calling lies in boring people to their deaths. That is the sole aim of him updating his blog Mahabore's Mumblings quite frequently. Between him and his wife, they nurture and bring up their two year old daughter as well as the blog.

That's what he has to say for himself. Now for what I think.

Jairam Mohan is a whirlwind-of-a-writer. Two posts on a good day and three on an even better day (God bless him!). The top bar in Mahabore's Mumblings says it all - Bhagvatham, Movies, Fiction, Parenting, Book review and of course 'winning posts'. Each post of Jairam's stands testimony to what he thinks and lives by - be it pieces of 'faction' where fact meets fiction through his fantastic imagination, or parenting ideas and anecdotes sans air-brushing. His writing is novel, honest and refreshing and his blog speaks to you like few others can. And I will keep wondering why he calls himself a 'mahabore'! 

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Projecting Parental Expectations

Jairam Mohan

I love my Michael Jackson songs, McDonald's French Fries and lounging around in my boxer shorts at home. I hate rap songs with explicit racy music videos, self help books and people who spit in public places. The above is a small subset of my likes and dislikes and how I perceive the world. But the question is should my little two year old daughter also share the same likes and dislikes?

I have had conversations with young kids who have informed me that Sachin Tendulkar was delaying his retirement and that was causing a lot of damage to Indian cricket, and that the Congress government is probably the worst thing that India could have ever wished for, at an age when the kid did not even know the difference between the business end of a bat and what a democracy really was. And when I was left wondering  as to how smart kids nowadays were, the realization dawned upon me that it was probably their parents who had projected their perceptions on them. 

Given that when they are young, kids are extremely receptive to their surroundings and the people they interact with on a regular basis, it is but natural that they pick up a few habits and traits from us. It therefore becomes imperative that as parents and caregivers to our children, we must all be extremely conscious of our words, actions and deeds, more so when the kids are watching us. If I am the kind of father that comes home from work, plonks myself on the sofa with my shoes on and starts munching potato chips straight out of a packet, my daughter will naturally believe that such behavior is quite Ok, and it won’t be too long before she comes home from school, plonks herself on the sofa with her school uniform and shoes on and starts munching whatever snack she wants from the fridge. If on the other hand, she sees her parents taking off their footwear outside the house, washing their hands and feet as soon as they enter the house, then these are the habits she will pick up, inculcate and make her own.

In fact I realized that kids are so receptive only when I saw my daughter pick up a few of these unconscious traits from me and my wife. While she has picked up on this wonderful reading habit from my wife, who tries to spend as much of her free time reading books, the funny thing that my daughter picked up from me is to put her hand on the backside of her neck and start scratching the same. It was only when I saw my daughter persistently doing this did I realize that this was something that I was unconsciously doing whenever she was on the “seat” downloading her “torrents” (if you know what I am referring to). It took more than quite a bit of correcting and flicking away of her hands whenever she did it going forward to make her get rid of that irritating habit and now I am that much more conscious of my body language whenever I am around her.

While my daughter is still a little one and probably picks up only on visual and verbal cues that we provide her, I am more than sure that children who are a little older, say around 10-15 yr olds will surely have their world views influenced by their parents. And that is something that I tend to think that I have a problem with. In my opinion, while parents are more than welcome (and it is probably their duty as well) to imbibe their kids with the right value systems, I think it is wrong of them to project their perceptions of the world on their kids. 

So what if I don’t enjoy Chinese cuisine very much, should I discourage my daughter from trying it out and having more of it if she actually likes it? I don’t think so. So what if I don’t think Salman Khan movies match my cinematic sensibilities, should I stop my daughter from watching and enjoying them? I don’t think so. So what if I think MMS is a stooge and just nods his head to whatever Madam says, should I stop my daughter from believing that he actually has a spine and can stand up for himself…well, that one I will have serious issues with.

Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that as parents while it is our duty to guide our children on the tough journey called life and equip them with all the right tools and techniques to assist them, we should not project our perceptions of the world on them. Let them experience things for themselves and develop a world view of their own. So what if it differs from our own view of things, after all, variety is the spice of life, isn’t it?

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I fully agree with this parenting idea. Even as we consciously guide our children through the everyday, we need to keep in mind if we are colouring their minds a certain way too. What was relevant in our yesterday may not be in their tomorrows. And coming to think of it, we could learn and unlearn a lot from our children's perspectives too. This way, every body in the house would be growing-up, and not just growing old, together!

What do you think?